My ear check, MY WORST PAINFUL EXPERIENCE
Damn my ears are still in pain. Ahh!! Got back home from doctor for ear cleaning coz my ears are clogging. I feel like almost fainted. It is damn painful.
The doctor used pressurize syringe to wash out my ears, it freaky painful. My ears are clogging with earwax, cotton and tissues, Then he used a scrapper to dig out my ears. He dig it out till my ears are bleeding till now it still are. My left ear had been pressurize 6 times while my right ear was 2 times. I was screaming for 30 mins in the clinic.
The reason it bleed coz the cotton and tissues have staying too long in my ears which I didn't remember how it got there. And some of the wax was sticking to my ears. The pressurize syringe goes in into my ears and solution felt it was beating my eardrums. FUCK! It was the painful experience I felt. I felt I was about ...to faint when after blood flow burst out of my ears.
After the clean-up, both of my ear have swollen due to the clean-up. It still hurt and dizzy. I am not allow to swim for the next 2 weeks and I might have problem in hearing so bear with me guys. Thks. I am scared for the next check-up which is next week to check my ears whether it is ok.
Confusion
How do you feel?
What you do if you stuck in a situation, a love triangle and you are in the middle of it and you can't just get out of it?
You still love a girl but you still can't move on,
You lost your ways and your head feel like stuck on the ground.
Voices calling out to you like a loud sound banging onto your ears,
Deciding your fate on what should you do.
You felt insaned and confusion turning your head around,
As in the world have change its orbit.
A stupid promise you made when you are young that forbid you to make your choices.
Fear that you end up hurting others that you causes to be so close with.
You like them but not more than that but have the same feeling just "not yet".
You felt anger and frustated but there someone trying to ignite those inside of you into an explosion,
Causing you to become someone you hate the most.
You wanted something but you find so hard to pursue it.
You felt lonely, pains and confuse whether how to end it..
With all those restless thought in your mind,
With thousands and millions things on your head,
by the end of day you keep it with a pretender smiles
My Love Story..... I will never forget you.... :)
Damn, It had been a long time since I blogged, I was feeling down that I can't make to
NYP with Her..... I Try And Try to Appeal but Failure is what I got......
I really Miss HER... Since Sec 3,
I fell in love with her but
I am just a fool...
Our first date was on my first year of ITE and she was Sec 5.
I know that
I miss my Chances and I felt regretted ever since and I tried to make-it-up to her on the second Date to tell her the truth that I love her but she rejected everytime I asked and I understand that her "O"Lvl are nearby. But I still wondering Why did she pushed me away?
I still remember those words, those sudden words that hurt me so bad. After a few week of our first Date together. She said in the SMS,
"Get Lost!, I don't want to talk to you." It's hurts me and I kept calling her and trying to ask her
"WHY??" She just say
"Get away...Claiming that she have a new Boyfriend and tell me to go away".
I burst into tears and mourning for weeks,
Thinking and wondering what I did wrong... Then I lost my phone, her contact and her precious msg that dear to me are gone...
I tried to find a way to contact her and those thoughts are still in my head. I kept msging her on friendster
"Why?" and she reply back
"I am Sorry, I was on the Bad Mood.". Then I made my worst mistake and regretted it, I was totally pissed off and reply back
"Then why must you hurt me? Whether If you on the sad or bad mood, we could always talked as we always do, You make me do all the foolish things that I had doned cause of you!." if only that I didn't said that and be more gentle.....
A few weeks later, I saw her pictures with her new boyfriend and it make me even more sadder and hurts. I fills with rage and anger inside, wondering What he have that I don't, What she want better from him than me, Why did she leave me for him and Why does she have to Hurt me just for him?
From the days that she left me, those restless thoughts insane my mind ever since and Frustrations and Sorrow grew from me. Pains and Angers turn me something I hates. I turns into a persons that I hate the most, I end up hurting others all around me. I get mentally stressed for no reason and thought of killing myself. Then one of my friends introduces me to find a way to calm me, I went to the gym and he said "Instead of killing yourself with Knife and Pens and stay sorrow gain nothing, Why don't you kill yourself with something you can gain by tearing your body apart". So there I learnt to train and works myself, I workout till I felt I was tearing my own body apart, With bruises and Muscles Tears, doing heavy weights and non-stop workout, putting my rage of anger and my frustration into it.
And surprisingly I felt calm and better and I gains something for myself but still it wasn't enough. Nothing what I did or doned, I still can't stop thinking about HER, I still love HER. I tried to move on but my heart felt empty. And I still feelings hurt and sad till now. Coz She used to be like my best friend, She is the first girl that I shared my secret and deep feelings to, when I was feelings down she was there for me as I was there for her. All the girls that I had a crushed on, she was the only one who cares for me and accepted even I am a skinny, lame, pathetic nerd who was rejected by social in school. All the girls make fun of me and all the guys bullied and kick me ard. She was the only girl that love me and accepted me. And I will never Forget those days that we had chatted together even we are always on the phone. :)
She was the first to help me cured my girl-phobia and help me gain confidents in myself. Advices that I used in my every life, don't know you remember it or not but Those words I will never leave it by my sides.
Now After so much thinking and thinking. I apologised on what I did. It been 2 years since our first date. It is on April 28, 2008 that the day you told me to "get Lost". But Now I had realised all my mistakes with you and all the girls that I had crushed on, I learnt from it and I know all the chances that I wasted. Those experiences taught me to change and I always shared those experiences to guys who have the same feelings. If I finally manage to move on, I will Thanks you for all the good things you doned for me from the days we met to the days we last....
Don't know if it is my curse or Blessing, I love you no matter what till the very end, even we go our separate life, I will never forget you. Hope for the day that I will meet you someday.
My failure is only my misery
Wondering....
Every Night, I was thinking about you, I wondered if you thinking abt me too.
Although we live in such small world but yet I felt we are too far apart.
I remembered the first time, we watched the moon together, beside the river where we sat as the light glimpse upon your face. Damn you Look Beautiful!....
But Now as time passer-by, I felt it is impossible for me.....
And I kept wondering..
Wasn't it meant to be?
Before your time is through..
If only....
"FANSTASY AND REALITY ARE NEVER BE ONE..."
"ONLY DISAPPOINTMENT APPEAR BETWEEN THIS TWO....."
Sometime in every disappointment, you still have to move on. Even it is in regret and pain.
If only life have been more simples.
Where we can live on our imaginary design
BUT...
We are no gods.
