My Last Petal

My Love Story..... I will never forget you.... :)

Damn, It had been a long time since I blogged, I was feeling down that I can't make to NYP with Her..... I Try And Try to Appeal but Failure is what I got......

I really Miss HER... Since Sec 3, I fell in love with her but I am just a fool...
Our first date was on my first year of ITE and she was Sec 5.
I know that I miss my Chances and I felt regretted ever since and I tried to make-it-up to her on the second Date to tell her the truth that I love her but she rejected everytime I asked and I understand that her "O"Lvl are nearby. But I still wondering Why did she pushed me away?

I still remember those words, those sudden words that hurt me so bad. After a few week of our first Date together. She said in the SMS, "Get Lost!, I don't want to talk to you." It's hurts me and I kept calling her and trying to ask her "WHY??" She just say "Get away...Claiming that she have a new Boyfriend and tell me to go away". I burst into tears and mourning for weeks, Thinking and wondering what I did wrong... Then I lost my phone, her contact and her precious msg that dear to me are gone...
I tried to find a way to contact her and those thoughts are still in my head. I kept msging her on friendster "Why?" and she reply back "I am Sorry, I was on the Bad Mood.". Then I made my worst mistake and regretted it, I was totally pissed off and reply back "Then why must you hurt me? Whether If you on the sad or bad mood, we could always talked as we always do, You make me do all the foolish things that I had doned cause of you!." if only that I didn't said that and be more gentle.....
A few weeks later, I saw her pictures with her new boyfriend and it make me even more sadder and hurts. I fills with rage and anger inside, wondering What he have that I don't, What she want better from him than me, Why did she leave me for him and Why does she have to Hurt me just for him?

From the days that she left me, those restless thoughts insane my mind ever since and Frustrations and Sorrow grew from me. Pains and Angers turn me something I hates. I turns into a persons that I hate the most, I end up hurting others all around me. I get mentally stressed for no reason and thought of killing myself. Then one of my friends introduces me to find a way to calm me, I went to the gym and he said "Instead of killing yourself with Knife and Pens and stay sorrow gain nothing, Why don't you kill yourself with something you can gain by tearing your body apart". So there I learnt to train and works myself, I workout till I felt I was tearing my own body apart, With bruises and Muscles Tears, doing heavy weights and non-stop workout, putting my rage of anger and my frustration into it.

And surprisingly I felt calm and better and I gains something for myself but still it wasn't enough. Nothing what I did or doned, I still can't stop thinking about HER, I still love HER. I tried to move on but my heart felt empty. And I still feelings hurt and sad till now. Coz She used to be like my best friend, She is the first girl that I shared my secret and deep feelings to, when I was feelings down she was there for me as I was there for her. All the girls that I had a crushed on, she was the only one who cares for me and accepted even I am a skinny, lame, pathetic nerd who was rejected by social in school. All the girls make fun of me and all the guys bullied and kick me ard. She was the only girl that love me and accepted me. And I will never Forget those days that we had chatted together even we are always on the phone. :)
She was the first to help me cured my girl-phobia and help me gain confidents in myself. Advices that I used in my every life, don't know you remember it or not but  Those words I will never leave it by my sides.

Now After so much thinking and thinking. I apologised on what I did. It been 2 years since our first date. It is on April 28, 2008 that the day you told me to "get Lost". But Now I had realised all my mistakes with you and all the girls that I had crushed on, I learnt from it and I know all the chances that I wasted. Those experiences taught me to change and I always shared those experiences to guys who have the same feelings. If I finally manage to move on, I will Thanks you for all the good things you doned for me from the days we met to the days we last....

Don't know if it is my curse or Blessing, I love you no matter what till the very end, even we go our separate life, I will never forget you. Hope for the day that I will meet you someday.

posted by MarcusLazarus The Last @ 8:46 PM